you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
