i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
