Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
