i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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