So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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