Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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