I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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