I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
