What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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