Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
