Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
