Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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