he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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