4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Success! We fucked roommates!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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