whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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