He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
