my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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