Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
