This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
