Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
