Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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