found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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