R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
