Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
