hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
