i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
