Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
