Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize