he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
