Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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