i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
