So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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