he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
