My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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