saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
