I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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