Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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