wake up i wanna do it froggy style
that's an acceptable place to lick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
