I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
