How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
