Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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