I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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