walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
