Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
