Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
