For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
