so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
