found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
