I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
