my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
