You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
