Will you blow on my dice?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you traded sex for a burrito?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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